My new book “Midlife Solo” is now available.

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here and now

Unfortunately, I learned last night that foregoing an afternoon nap does not necessarily help with January insomnia. As I lay thrashing about at 4.30 a.m., I thought about the blog post I’d just written, burbling (that word again) happily about seeing a movie with my friend, going on and on, as I do, about my ordinary days. People who read this blog must think I’m a Pollyanna, I thought, always beaming with cheer.

And I thought about my emphatically non-Pollyanna times. In my 25 1/2 years in this house, I have lived through the worst experiences of my life, right here, in this kitchen – the too-early death of my father in 1988; the agonizing end of my marriage not long after that; the even worse early days, early months and years, of the divorce – my sheer terror and endless guilt. The years of my childrens’ adolescence, which were so difficult and exhausting, I don’t even want to begin to recall them. The fire in 2005 – the house a smouldering charred wreck, me imagining us wandering and homeless. No wonder I marvel all the time at the tranquillity of a settled woman with grown children and a fine, solid house.
And I thought, who knows what’s coming down the pike? All I can do, all we can do, is remain open to right now. Right now, a dark, dreary day which started with sleet and will lead to snow – it’s almost night out there at 4 p.m. A quiet day; a dear student came this afternoon, a friend is coming for dinner, at Doubletake, I bought a funny sweater with Scottie dogs all over it. Right now, the paperwhite bulbs a friend gave me for Christmas are growing up straight and green; the cat is crunching her food, the furnace rumbles, and in the middle of it all, right now, I am alive. Not only alive, but well.
Not sleeping well, but otherwise, this minute, pretty damn well. I, Pollyanna Kaplan, celebrate that.

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About Beth

I began keeping a journal at the age of nine. Nearly fifty years later, I started this online journal, sharing reflections, reviews, updates, and the occasional secret.

Some Blogs I Follow

Chris Walks
This blog evolves. It once was about travels. Now it’s a reason to be at the keyboard that I value.

Theresa Kishkan
Theresa Kishkan is a writer living on the Sechelt Peninsula on the west coast of Canada.

I walk on. With my feet, and in my mind as well.

Carrie Snyder
Wherever you’ve come from, wherever you’re going, consider this space a place for reflection and pause.

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A new book by Beth Kaplan, published by Mosaic Press – “Midlife Solo”

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