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autumn thoughts

Went for a bike ride down the Don Valley Trail, discovered Todmorden Mills for the first time – a very old mill with various arts activities going on, though not on Labour Day. The lettering on the bridge is done with string. 

Definitely fall. 

As I rode, I looked at the others riding down there, mostly two by two, either men and women or two men or two women riding together. And I thought, again, about what it would be like to live two by two instead of solo. I vaguely remember a time when I had to take a bunch of other people into consideration every time I made a move. But it has been years since that time, and I do not regret leaving it behind. Can a person be genetically single? It is simply unimaginable to me to always have another person there. 
Have been thinking about this because of reading an article on Brad and Angie, now married – how instant was their connection and how clear it is that, for now anyway, they are true soul mates. And yet I also read that Neil Young and his wife of nearly 37 years are getting divorced. How to understand that? My own parents had years of unhappiness in their marriage, but they stuck it out and the last ten were very happy. My father died in my mother’s arms. Isn’t that the point? I may have all the freedom I want, but at the moment, I have no one’s arms to die in. Well – my kids. Maybe Eli will be big enough when the time comes. Got to prep those arms. Though maybe I’ll be ninety-nine, riding down on the Trail, and have a pleasant little heart attack among the wildflowers.

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2 Responses to “autumn thoughts”

  1. Carrie says:

    Oh no, in your sleep after a fabulous day with family and friends……the onset of Autumn must be prompting gloomy thoughts.
    Todmorden Mills made me think of all of the connections there are between Canada and the UK ; Todmorden is in the West Riding of Yorkshire and had several cotton mills in the heyday of the industrial revolution. North Yorks, Pickering, Malton, Whitby, Scarborough are all within fifteen miles of where I live in North Yorkshire. The early settlers couldn't leave Yorkshire fast enough!
    Seems to me you have your life sorted Beth, loving family, good friends, stimulating work, a zest for life and of course the driving force in your life, writing….embrace them all, as I know you do.

  2. beth says:

    Oh I do embrace them, Carole, I do, and thank you for your kind words. I didn't mean my post to be gloomy – just pondering what it means to be a "we" as opposed to a "me." A very different state of being.
    It says on the sign there that the mill is named after Todmorden in England where the founders came from – like so many places in Canada, as you point out.

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About Beth

I began keeping a journal at the age of nine. Nearly fifty years later, I started this online journal, sharing reflections, reviews, updates, and the occasional secret.

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