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no miracles today

Today was the opposite of yesterday’s euphoria. I expected to sleep soundly in my aerie and arise filled with joy about my sparkling new house. Instead, I awoke at 2 and after an hour or so, realized I was hungry, but getting something to eat would mean walking down and up two flights of stairs, which my legs refused to do. But my stomach won, so I had toast and Ovaltine at 3 and crawled back up to lie awake making lists.

For the rest of the day, my insides were heaving so badly, I could barely function. Luckily my dear Ken took me to brunch to say goodbye before my trip, so I managed a good solid meal. But then my movers – Thomas and Bill – came over, and Nicole to clean behind them, and I felt like I had stomach flu. What was it? The reality of what we just did, I guess, and of what remains to be done.

Everything stored in my office is filthy and in a jumble. I don’t know where things are or where they go now, in the new configuration. And – to tell the truth – it’s something of a shock to see my old furniture in a bright new space. Much of what I own was inherited from elderly relatives, and it looks it. Didn’t matter before, when the house was similarly shabby, but now …

But mostly, it’s the dirt and dust and the piles of stuff and the stacks of boxes and what goes where? My office, my lovely office, like an abandoned attic.

However, the Billy bookshelves are back in my bedroom, though the oldest are out on the sidewalk, and my chest of drawers (inherited decades ago from Great-Aunt Helen) came up from the basement. So my room looks more like my room, even if I can’t sleep in it until the minuscule pieces arrive from Ikea. When tenant #1 arrives on Tuesday to live on the top floor, I will have to move back to the basement. But only for two nights.

I’m a fragile flower today. Luckily Cyril just appeared at the door with another of the $8 bottles of soup that have kept me alive all winter. I am extremely lucky. Just fragile. Wayson was supposed to come for dinner and another friend wanted to come over, and I postponed both. Just need to eat soup and read the paper – or not – and sit here and not do anything.

Though I’ve vowed to ignore Ottawa, I just posted Heather Mallick’s article on FB:

Chantal Hebert had a Star article too, more or less saying the same thing: why are these two women trying to sink their own party and elect the Conservatives? As I wrote on FB, they should just look at Ontario to know how that will play out.



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About Beth

I began keeping a journal at the age of nine. Nearly fifty years later, I started this online journal, sharing reflections, reviews, updates, and the occasional secret.

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